i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
wow bdsm is so cute
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
