I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There r osticjed everywhere
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
