false alarm. still invincible.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize