remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
