I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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