I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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