That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
