Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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