Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
