Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
