oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
