Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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