I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
