see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
