I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
