I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
