My room smells like vodka and shame
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
