Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
