remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You can't special order awesome
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
