my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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