One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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