its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dignity is for republicans.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
