Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
