If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
