you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
