Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
