Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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