well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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