also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize