I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
