why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
