Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
