So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
