I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
