So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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