I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
