he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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