Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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