i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
