Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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