So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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