there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
