I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
