I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
