Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
