Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
