I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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