bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
