I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
