come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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