Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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