i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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