$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
