its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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