He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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