I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
