Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How external is "for external use only"?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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