dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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