cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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