All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if only i could text you this smell
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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