That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she looked like the before picture.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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