sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
