Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
