Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
