the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
