Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
