So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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