this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
