I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
