my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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