You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
