I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
