You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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