in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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