when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
