I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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