The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize