You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
