It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize